Comedian in front of a microphone.

Top 100: Funny Quotes (of All-Time)

by Editor

Perhaps the only type of quote better than a wise quote is a quote that, while conveying some universal truth, is also witty. If you’re in need of a good laugh — and really, who isn’t? — then check out our list of the top 100 funny quotes of all-time.

Funny quotes are also good for making other people laugh; posting one of these quotes on Facebook or Twitter is sure to elicit many chuckles from your friends and followers. There’s a funny quote here for everybody: this list has everything from ironic statements and macabre jokes to bathroom humor.

Also included are interpretations, which attempt to explain just what makes each quote so darn funny– the interpretations also come in handy for that one clueless person who always says, “I don’t get it” in response to your hilarious joke. (Don’t worry, this list has funny quotes about those types of people as well.)

  • Tia Elise Shauna Wray

    if you carn’t have midnight snack why do we have a light in the fridge ??

    • Lauren Martinaze


  • Just a funny Quote

    Milk Milk Lemonade around the corner fudge is made!

    • Emails manna

      You said it wrong it’s milk milk lemonade chocolate round the corner thicko

      • Stryks

        Actually, I think you might be in the wrong there. There is a rhyming device built into this little ditty which is broken with your version.

        “Milk, Milk, Lemonade,
        Round the corner (chocolate’s / fudge is) made.”

        Post above has fudge, we always used chocolate when we were kids. And that is kind of the point. It’s what we used as kids. The fact that you have an alternative neither invalidates this version nor validates your own.

        • RiftEnigma

          It’s because these people seem to refuse to use grammar, but, Stryks is correct.
          I always said “chocolate’s” one of my friends used “fudge is”. I do think they are both very popular choices and, like Stryks said, the rhyming device works with both of them. So I suppose that if any word fits in with the rhyming pattern, it can be considered correct.

          “Milk, Milk, Lemonade,
          ‘Round the corner tea is made.”

          Just an example.

          • Melinda Jacqueline

            Why is there an in-depth conversation about a little song 5 year olds used to sing? And chocolate? It’s fudge!! There, now I’m in the conversation about a poem about poop and pee. And RiftEnigma, you’re discussing the grammar of this? I think people feel strongly about the subject….I guess we are all kids at heart…..and we like to argue and be right :)

          • Melinda Jacqueline

            And if it looks like tea you need to drink a whole lot more liquids.

    • Melinda Jacqueline

      That’s retired, I’m sorry I know u might’ve been trying to be cute, but really? Let’s put that one in storage.

  • Emails manna

    I don’t get most off them there crap and I am 54

    • Nexus9K

      Try acting it then! Don’t call people ‘thicko’ and learn to use proper grammar – *of & *they’re are a good starting point.

    • RiftEnigma

      …Why? Just why?
      54? I doubt it.

  • freckledfarang

    The quotes are funny, but it’s confusing that you feel they need interpreting. You are reiterating super obvious conclusions.

    • Jason Bacchetta

      I agree that most of them are quite obvious, but from our experience simply rehashing a quote in a slightly different way can be a big help for non-native English speaking users. And of course, the interpretations also provide guidance for those experiencing the occasional brain fart.

      • Melinda Jacqueline

        Why when ppl say ‘brain-fart’ do I picture it literally? I can’t quite describe the immage I get in my head….

      • Melinda Jacqueline

        That was actually very well put Jason Bacchetta

      • Amin Vanda (SEO Expert)


      • freckledfarang

        Have you seen the movie Idiocracy?

      • freckledfarang

        And honestly, it doesn’t matter what I think. This is your post. I’m sorry for acting like a judgmental jerk.

    • Melinda Jacqueline

      Mr.freckledfarang, maybe because at heart we all love to argue and be right about everything, or maybe because it’s refreshing to debate a poop/lemonade song when everything else is so serious. I had the 5am news on this morning and by 5:05 I had heard about 3 deaths and an old lady whose house burned down with her in it at night. I see your point, but what you said was pretentious as hell. WOOT!

      • freckledfarang

        The average intelligence of all humans is going WAY DOWN if my comment was pretentious.

        I wasn’t speaking against the quotes! They are great! People need cheering up! It’s true.

        I just believe that most people with part of a brain can understand what the quotes mean without the “interpretation.”

        The less you use your brain, the less it will be there for use when you need it.

        Also, I’m a Ms.

      • freckledfarang

        Also, there’s really not reason for me to act like such a jerk. Sorry.

        • Zen

          I think I like you Ms

  • Amin Vanda

    ”Why do people say ‘no offense’ right before they’re about to offend you?”

    The same reason people go to church and confess their sins to their holy papa! ;)

  • Nina Harper

    People say you should marry someone with a good character, but just remember you can’t kiss character in the morning.

  • Melinda Jacqueline

    What does stinki9ng mean? Learn how to spell before you use the word retarted. Mental retardation is something people are born with. Excuse my ENGLISH, but you’re an ass hole <3

    • Anony Mous

      If you’re going to say ” Learn how to spell before you use the word *insert word” you should spell the word right -__- & he might be an asshole (like you’re referring to him as) but you going around replying to everyone’s comments & nit picking at most of them makes you look like an asshole too.

  • Melinda Jacqueline

    I think people say ‘no offense’ right before they offend somebody out of habit. But it’s not like we need a ‘warning’ that you are about to be offensive

    • Amin Vanda (SEO Expert)

      Yep, no warning.
      Just say no offence, and you’re clean to offend anybody! lol

    • bob

      Shut the heck up and stop replying to people’s posts. Amin Vanda was quoting what he thought was a funny joke on this website. It wasn’t a question to you if you would have seen the quotes he put maybe you would have known.

  • Raheel Farooq

    Great collection, man. Keep it up!

    • Rahul

      Good collection :)

  • girly

    Don’t let anyone tell you the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

    • Dereck

      Due to financial constraints the light at the end of the tunnel in this household will be temporarily closed.

  • Paige Morgan

    the funiest thing on here is how dramastic some of you are haha

  • gleebenfoojug


  • Fire

    Awesome post! Thanks!!!

  • Katie

    Life is simple, if you don’t put anything into it you wont get anything out of it! ^-^

  • huhu

    hhhahahaha. . .LOL

  • Lauren Martinaze


    • Peydon Smith

      That’s what happens to me

  • hdydf

    it’s not funny

  • anonymous

    Hehehe funny as!! :-)

  • Jonathan

    be real

  • Jonathan

    Crowd goes crazy in Shanghai as Kobe Bryant emerges from tunnel and takes a seat on Lakers bench

  • Jonathan

    “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be
    careful to do what is right in the eyes of

  • Jake Martinez

    Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.

  • My Grandma

    “Those whom fart in church, must sit in their own pew…”
    -Joyce Ross

  • frank

    these r lame

    • notfrank

      stfu frank

  • frank


  • frank

    how is that that

  • imthedoctor

    “doctor(talking to his patiant at a checkup): i have bad news and worse news.
    patiant:uh oh! whats the bad news?
    doctor:you have cancer.
    patiant:oh, gosh, whats the worse news?
    doctor: you have alzhiemers.
    patiant:oh, jeez! well at least i dont have cancer!”


    • melissa brown

      that is very sad i feel bad because i am scared

  • Peydon Smith

    Bla bla!!!!!

  • Peydon Smith

    Yea I have!!!!

  • Peydon Smith

    I like fudge not a big fan of it but it’s ok I’m not a big fan of chocolate!!!!!

  • Peydon Smith

    When life hands u lemons…. u throw them at someone

    • Nitasha Chichkar

      Then make nimbu paani na!!

    • MrManners

      When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone who’s life has handed them vodka and have a party – Ron White.

      • MasterMind

        When life giver you Lemons… Make apple juice and let the world wonder how you did it

  • Peydon Smith

    I’m gonna parilize u with arrows

  • Peydon Smith

    Yo yo yo

  • Peydon Smith

    Yo yo yo it’s ur boy peydon I’m in the house in the house!!!

  • summer emery

    These quotes are not funny in enny way

    His john’s doter

  • That’s so frickin awesome name

    !m “We have lives to live” -Megatrinton,2013

  • Tatianna

    look here peydon smith blah blah is not a quote

  • Myself


    • Jason Bacchetta


  • Lynda Crocker

    The difference between a man and a squirrel : a squirrel cracks his nuts on a rock and a man rocks his nuts on a crack.

  • Corey Bryant

    I have to agree. School systems are failing our kids, parents are failing at taking up the slack, and human intelligence is indeed on the decline. Google is not helping either.

  • Hannah

    Some people bring happiness butyou give it when you leave

  • QuodPossum

    You must all be so much fun at parties.

  • CJB124

    I disagree. The interpretations are lame and distracting. If you are aiming for non-native speakers, they probably will have issues getting the original joke, and the interpretation isn’t going to make it any more funny, in fact, likely less funny.

    • Jason Bacchetta

      Thanks for the feedback. We’ve actually been planning to remove these for a few weeks now, after receiving a lot of complaints. Future lists will include information about the source of the quote instead, and the additional information will be presented in a less intrusive way so that the quote itself is more prominent. Just waiting for our design team to finish with the refreshed layout.

  • RiftEnigma

    It was an example.

  • Niklaus Heiler

    As a non native english speaker (C2 and studying), I can understand most of the quotes and get most of the meanings out of them. Interpretations are highly appreciated though. First, because some quotes are based on interpretations themselves, which may be history and therefore useless for the natives, but not for foreigners; second, because the sense of humour varies and I like to understand how comes that sometimes quotes with no effect on me make you instead laughing loud. It’s a lesson of culture, I take with pleasure. Thank you!!

  • Janet

    The interpretations assist those who take a while to get it. The slow thinkers.

  • Ginger

    Can atheists get insurance for “acts of God?”

  • Ginger

    Regarding No. 76, should it not read “two things in common?”

  • austin mahone

    not funny exept the quote who said im gonna have a desease named after me.

  • Baruch Ronald

    You should wake up earlier than your brain so that by the time your brain wakes up, you will be a sleep

  • Baruch Ronald

    If you try to interpret a stupid statement, what are you trying help….to make it right or more stupid……

  • mallyscouse

    I reckon that anything makes you smile can’t be a bad thing,

  • mary

    I hate how chocolate melts in my hand i mean am i that hot?

  • Rex J Ablett

    This was Karl Pilkington’s suggestion for weight loss recently. :)

  • Myra Gail Carter

    I know that’s right

  • ting jayden

    I am not afraid to die,but i am scared of growing old.

  • Sebastien

    Hey, are you alive? If so, I could use some cash, if not, can I take some from your wallet? I’ll pay you back.

  • maggie

    i know right

  • Spoken darkness

    Stalking is a turm used when you post something on the internet and a second later you already have 6 comments

  • Princess Nova Rose


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