Quotation #154

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Funny quotes are great for bringing a bit of humor into our lives. They help to lighten the mood, they're excellent for breaking the ice, and of course, they're fun to share with friends. After all, as Victor Borge once said, "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people." Some of the most entertaining quotes, in our opinion, are those that are not only witty, but also wise — conveying some universal truth. Funny quotes about life, love, and friendship — those that we can relate to — are especially comical. Kurt Vonnegut once quipped, "The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful." In this list of 100 funny quotes worth laughing over, we've tried to include a zinger for everyone, whether it's an insightful quotation, a silly saying, or an ironic wisecrack. [include-posts id="1459" count="1"] Interpretation: This joke is a play on the cliche of wanting to die peacefully in your sleep. This familiar statement takes an unexpected twist when we learn that grandpa was, in fact, driving a car full of passengers when he died "peacefully in his sleep." As a result, those passengers did not die so peacefully! This type of joke, in which the second half of the statement is shocking or unexpected (usually making you see the first part of the statement in a different light), is also called a "paraprosdokian." [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14207" count="2"] Interpretation: This funny quote presents a clever idea that might possibly work: if you have multiple locks on your door and only lock some of them, someone who tries to pick the lock and assumes that all the locks are engaged will not be able to unpick them all (until, that is, they figure out that not all of the locks were initially locked). [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14210" count="3"] Interpretation: Someone who expects bad things to happen (a pessimist) will expect a negative outcome when they lend you money, which is that you won't return the money. Wilde is saying that this make pessimists good people to borrow money from -- because you would never be expected to pay back the money you owe them! The quote is funny because it pokes fun at pessimists (in reality, most people expect you to return money they lend you, pessimist or not) and assumes the reader is a dishonest person who does not want to pay their debts. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5030" count="4"] Interpretation: Most people are aware that the planet Saturn is surrounded by rings (you may or may not know that these rings are composed of ice and rocky material). Most people also know that airline luggage often gets lost. While the rings of Saturn are of course not literally composed of lost luggage, this quote is humorous because it makes fun of a frustrating experience many people can relate to -- the airline losing your luggage. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14214" count="5"] Interpretation: This joke is of the bathroom humor variety. While many quotes about friendship are meant to be taken very seriously, this funny analogy takes a lighthearted (yet not inaccurate!) twist when it compares friendship to peeing your pants. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14216" count="6"] Interpretation: Here's a classic "good news, bad news" joke quote from a master comic. It's darkly funny because the "good" news is really pretty terrible, and the bad news is implied: once we hear the good news (that the patient is going to have a disease named after him), we already know the bad news (that the patient has a never-bef0re-seen disease). Disease is usually a serious topic, but tasteful jokes on this subject can be especially funny because they make us laugh at our fear of death, rendering it less terrifying. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14218" count="7"] Interpretation: Quotes that laugh at the perceived differences between the genders (or gender stereotypes) are funny to those who enjoy this kind of humor. The joke here is that men are considered successful if they make a lot of money, but women don't need to make money to be considered successful; they just need to marry a man who makes a lot of money. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4567" count="8"] Interpretation: The joke this quote makes is that elderly women are often crazy about the game bingo, so much so that an otherwise nice old lady might utter an obscene word if she loses at bingo. (Plus, most people find it funny to think of a "sweet little 80-year-old lady" saying the "F" word.) [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4941" count="9"] Interpretation: Taking a metaphor or analogy seriously -- in this case, thinking a motivational statement like "finish what you start" applies to eating junk food -- makes for a classic joke. This quote also makes fun of the vague and sometimes impractical advice one might receive from a therapist. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14221" count="10"] Interpretation: People often joke about the haughty, stuck-up nature of cats. This quote literally means that dogs are obedient to their owners, while cats think they are the owner, or master, and that you work for them. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14225" count="11"] Interpretation: A wise person knows better than to put a tomato in a fruit salad (even though it is "technically" a fruit). In other words, knowledge is useless without common sense. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14227" count="12"] Interpretation: This quote makes fun of the way people use language to try to pretend they're being polite when they're actually being impolite. Just because you say, "no offense" doesn't mean that you're not being offensive! [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5042" count="13"] Interpretation: If you're a procrastinator like Douglas Adams, this quote probably made you laugh. This is a play-on-words joke in which the second statement stands in stark, unexpected contrast to the first. While Adams initially says he "loves" deadlines, we then learn that what he actually loves is to defy deadlines. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14229" count="14"] Interpretation: Ah, who doesn't love a funny marriage quote -- and a self-deprecating, ancient Greek one, no less? This playful Socrates quote means that marriage is beneficial no matter what: your partner will either bring you happiness or they will bring you misery; if they bring you misery, your unhappiness can inspire you to become someone who tries to figure out the meaning of life, i.e., a philosopher (like Socrates himself). [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14231" count="15"] Interpretation: This quote pokes fun at Christianity, and how it sometimes seems to send the message that it is easier to sin and ask for forgiveness than it is to pray for what we want and be patient. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14233" count="16"] Interpretation: You can lie without lying if you tell an "edited" version of the truth, also known as a lie of omission. For example, if you are accused of eating your little brother's cookies, you might say, "I'm on a diet," giving the impression that your diet would have prevented you from eating the cookies, when in reality, you only started your diet today, and you ate the cookies last night. Or maybe you are on a cookies-only diet! [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14235" count="17"] Interpretation: It is a bad idea to argue with a fool (an idiot). The idiot will win not because he is right, but because he gets into verbal arguments all the time and has therefore become skilled at them. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14237" count="18"] Interpretation: It is ironic that there are people who went on suicide missions (kamikaze pilots) while at the same time wearing a device that's supposed to save your life (a helmet). [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14239" count="19"] Interpretation: This funny analogy illustrates the fact that the mere action of going someplace does not change who or what you are; it's just as ridiculous to think that going to church makes you a devout religious person as it is to think that going to the garage makes you a car. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14241" count="20"] Interpretation: Here's another joke about the sexes, this one making fun of the emotional simplicity of the stereotypical male: since men are only capable of feeling two emotions, hungry and sexually aroused, if a man does not have an erection (he is not sexually aroused), then you can use deductive reasoning to figure out that you should bring him food (because he is hungry). Of course, this is a gross exaggeration, but that's what makes it a joke! [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14244" count="21"] Interpretation: This is a funny, clever way of saying things advertised as "bargains" are not really good deals because we don't really need the item that is being sold; we are just convinced we should buy the thing because the price seems so low. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4930" count="22"] Interpretation: This is another comical quote that takes an unexpected, darkly hilarious twist. It's a play on the maxim "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." When it comes to something like skydiving, the second part of the saying must be changed ... because if you mess up the first time, you will die. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14246" count="23"] Interpretation: Bathroom humor alert: the joke here is that if you take both a sleeping pill and a laxative before going to bed, you will defecate in your bed (while asleep). [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14250" count="24"] Interpretation: In this quote, Mizner is pointing out (in a funny way) that most academic research contains no original ideas and is akin to plagiarism. If a writer copies the exact words or ideas of another writer, we look down on the writer for plagiarizing, but if she incorporates the ideas of many writers, the academic community has no problem with this and labels it as "research." [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5062" count="25"] Interpretation: This is another one of those quotes that sounds inspirational/comforting at the outset but then takes a surprising turn, with the takeaway being that you can count on certain people to care if you live or die -- but only because they will stop receiving your money if you die. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14252" count="26"] Interpretation: It's ironic how it's so easy to start a catastrophic fire when we're not trying to (by accidentally dropping a lit match), but if we are actually trying to start a fire, then it's practically impossible (we have to use up a whole box of matches before we can finally get a fire going). [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14254" count="27"] Interpretation: "Son-of-a-bitch" is, of course, a common insult that people often use without thinking about what it means. But if, like Jack Nicholson's mother, you call your own son a "son-of-a-bitch," then the joke is on you, because you are calling yourself a bitch! [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14256" count="28"] Interpretation: We don't get to choose our relatives, but at least we can choose our friends. This is a humorous way of saying that relatives are often unpleasant. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14258" count="29"] Interpretation: There's no point in investing if you won't live long enough to see a return on your investment. Pepper is making fun of his age here, joking that he's so old that he won't risk buying bananas before they're ripe because he doesn't know if he'll live to see them ripen! [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5128" count="30"] Interpretation: Oscar Wilde was great with plays-on-words like this one: by changing just one word (wherever to whenever), a positive statement turns into an insult; literally, it means that some people make everyone around them happy because of their presence, while other people make everyone unhappy with their presence (and so people are happy "whenever they go"). [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14261" count="31"] Interpretation: Human nature is funny: we want people to be patient with us, but we are not patient with others, or even with others' patience if it impacts us negatively! The author uses the metaphor of driving to drive this point home: we appreciate it when the person driving behind us doesn't get mad and honk their horn because of our bad driving, but if the person driving in front of us is holding us up by being patient with another driver, we get angry. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="1457" count="32"] Interpretation: The joke is that since you won't be able to stop the car using the brakes, you'll have to honk for people to get out of your way. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14266" count="33"] Interpretation: This quote points out one of the great ironies of child-rearing: we initially teach children to express themselves and move freely, but then we get angry if they use these skills to speak their minds or run around. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14268" count="34"] Interpretation: Steven Wright is a master of delivering deadpan paraprosdokians (see the interpretation of the first quote in our list for the definition) like this one. Oftentimes, he'll take on the persona of a very oblivious person, as he does here: the person thinks that just because he has not died thus far, he will probably be able to achieve his goal of living forever. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14270" count="35"] Interpretation: Interpretation: This is another one of those "exaggeration" jokes: diplomats are people who are so good at not offending anyone that they can tell someone something really insulting (like "Go to hell!") and the person will not be at all insulted; they will, in fact, react positively. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14272" count="36"] Interpretation: "Money can't buy you happiness" or some variation of this statement is a very commonly used saying; this quote turns that boring old saying on its head by specifying that while money can't buy happiness, it can make sadness better (which is really pretty much the same thing as buying happiness). [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14274" count="37"] Interpretation: This quote makes us laugh at ourselves when we realize the truth it conveys: we've all experienced that moment during a heated argument where we realize we are the one who is wrong -- and it is a humbling and embarrassing moment, indeed. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14276" count="38"] Interpretation: We always think our parents are wrong until we grow up and have kids of our own. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14278" count="39"] Interpretation: This quote makes fun of Internet users, equating them to monkeys banging on typewriters. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14280" count="40"] Interpretation: When taken literally, there is a lot of room for humor in allegories (fables). This biblical joke depends on the reader knowing the story of Noah and the Ark, which tells us that Noah saved two of every animal from a great flood and that's why these animals exist now. The author asks why Noah would take mosquitoes on his Ark -- they are pests, after all! [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4868" count="41"] Interpretation: This is a joke about the difficulty of motherhood, and to some extent, about the scientific theory of evolution. The theory of evolution says that species adapt to their environments over time. Berle asks why mothers don't have more hands if this is true -- the implied joke being that mothers could use additional hands to "adapt" to motherhood, since raising kids is such hard work. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14284" count="42"] Interpretation: As with allegories, it can also be funny when someone takes a joke literally. This anonymous quote refers to the age-old "Why did the chicken cross the road?" joke, taking that question in a mock-serious manner. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14286" count="43"] Interpretation: Here's another "War of the Sexes" joke that also kind of makes fun of the women's rights movement, but in favor of women. It means that women can actually be greater than men, so if they are only striving for equality, they need to try harder. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="13723" count="44"] Interpretation: This quote makes fun of jury duty, saying that jury members are incompetent because if they were smart, they would have found a way to excuse themselves from jury duty (because jury duty is so unpleasant). [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4879" count="45"] Interpretation: We laugh at this quote because Asimov seems to be making fun of himself -- he disparages "people who think they know everything" and then implies that he thinks he knows everything. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14288" count="46"] Interpretation: Frost is pointing out the irony of work: the harder you work, the more work you make for yourself. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14290" count="47"] Interpretation: "Fighting fire with fire" is to respond to an attack with an equal or similar attack, e.g., to have an aggressive reaction to someone's aggressive action toward you. Fighting fire with fire is usually a bad idea. This quote employs a literal example of why fighting fire with fire is unwise -- the fire department literally uses water instead of fire to fight fire -- for humor and effect. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14292" count="48"] Interpretation: Jokes about how "work sucks" are always popular. Reagan was playing on the popular saying, "Hard work never killed anybody," joking that if there is even a slight chance of it killing you, you shouldn't do it. In effect, he is making a funny excuse for avoiding hard work. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14294" count="49"] Interpretation: This quote points out a funny irony: we spend just as much money on food as we do trying to lose weight. (So maybe we should just spend less money on food!) [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14296" count="50"] Interpretation: This anonymous saying is a funny take on the classic Alexander Pope quote, "To err is human, to forgive divine." In this version, the second half of the famous quote is replaced with a joke about how managers blame other people for their mistakes. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14299" count="51"] Interpretation: The author of this quote is making fun of his or her poor cooking skills and/or laziness when it comes to cooking. Here, the prospect of the author carrying out the instructions on a recipe is compared to the plot of a science fiction novel: both are unrealistic. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4481" count="52"] Interpretation: This is a joke about how people are always running late: if you always arrive on time, you won't get any credit for it because the other person/people will not have arrived yet. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14301" count="53"] Interpretation: Funny but true (and also, kind of sad): the better you are at something, the more likely it is that people will ask you to do it -- regardless of whether you enjoy it or not. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4891" count="54"] Interpretation: Funny quotes about the difficulty of parenthood are relatable to anyone with kids. This one means that people who aren't parents think they know a lot about parenting and have many ideas about the right way to do it; however, once you actually have children, you realize that none of the theories you had before becoming a parent hold true. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4865" count="55"] Interpretation: A filing cabinet is supposed to help you organize things so you won't lose them ... but the author of this quote is joking that you still lose things with a file cabinet, only in an organized fashion (essentially saying that file cabinets are useless). [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4848" count="56"] Interpretation: This is a great hyperbole (exaggeration) joke about how filling Italian food is. People always say that after you eat Chinese food, you are hungry a few hours later ... Miller is saying that when it comes to eating Italian food, you're not hungry until a few days later! [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4889" count="57"] Interpretation: Here's yet another funny parenting quote. The meaning of this one is that having kids makes you crazy. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14305" count="58"] Interpretation: Marriage (that ends in divorce) is basically the same thing as buying a house for a person you don't like ... so why not just do that and forget all the actual marriage part? [/include-posts] [include-posts id="12323" count="59"] Interpretation: Bob Hope is joking about how it is ironic that banks only lend money to people who don't need the money, or people who have a means to pay the money back. If you really need to borrow money, say, because you don't have a  job, then a bank probably won't lend you any. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4864" count="60"] Interpretation: The "oldest profession" is prostitution. By saying that politics resembles the oldest profession, Reagan is likening politicians to prostitutes (ha-ha). [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4877" count="61"] Interpretation: This is a joke about how teenagers are lazy and self-serving: they are good at learning how to drive a car (because it's something they want to do that benefits them) but they pretend they can't understand how to work chore-related devices. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5048" count="62"] Interpretation: Rivers is joking about how infrequently she does housework. This funny quote starts off with the typical complaints we often hear about what a chore housework is, but then it takes an unexpected twist when she indicates that she only does housework twice a year. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4935" count="63"] Interpretation: Here's a funny way of saying that bugs are "guests" at all of our picnics. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14310" count="64"] Interpretation: Watching the news is depressing because it tells you about all of the sad and scary things that happen in the world every day -- despite the newscasters saying that it's a "good evening" at the beginning of the program. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5039" count="65"] Interpretation: Oh, lazy men and their love of TV. A clever way to give your couch potato husband a "big-screen TV" is to just move him closer to the TV. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4940" count="66"] Interpretation: Seinfeld first points out that people are more afraid of public speaking than they are of death. The hilarious absurdity of this fact is made apparent when he takes this a logic a step further, saying it means that at a funeral, most people would rather be the person in the casket (the person who has died) than the person giving the eulogy (the person who has to speak publicly at the funeral). [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5025" count="67"] Interpretation: This is a hyperbole joke about age and retirement. Burns, who worked until shortly before his death at age 100, is equating the age at which many people retire to adolescence. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5024" count="68"] Interpretation: Men are typically less interested in older women. The way around this, says Christie, is to marry an archaeologist. (Because archaeologists are interested in old things ... get it?) [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14316" count="69"] Interpretation: Everyone can relate to the painful experience of "finding" furniture in the dark with their shinbone (that is, accidentally walking into furniture because you can't see it). It's almost as if shinbones were expressly designed for this purpose! [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5059" count="70"] Interpretation: This is another version of the above Ronald Reagan joke about work (#48). But instead of making an excuse to get out of hard work (because of the small chance it might kill you), Diller is making an excuse to get out of housework. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14320" count="71"] Interpretation: If you are bisexual (attracted to both sexes), you have twice as many romantic prospects compared to someone who is only attracted to one sex ... theoretically. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5044" count="72"] Interpretation: It's funny how it's difficult to grow a nice green lawn, yet grass grows so easily in a place where you don't really want to see it -- the crack in the sidewalk in front of your house. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4957" count="73"] Interpretation: This is yet another witty George Burns quote about age ... he's saying that when you get old, it's so hard to bend over that if you bend over for something, you consider whether there's anything else you can accomplish so that you don't have to make multiple trips! [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4872" count="74"] Interpretation: The older the kids get, the more they realize that adults don't always know what they're talking about when they give advice; therefore, the best time to give them advice is while they're still young -- never mind the fact that your advice isn't necessarily rock-solid. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5117" count="75"] Interpretation: One of "Murphy's Laws" -- sayings about the hilarious absurdity of the universe -- this one states that people will readily believe things that they can't really understand and have no way of disproving, but if you give them some very obvious advice that will benefit them (like telling them a bench has wet paint on it), they won't believe you and will insist on learning the hard way. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14326" count="76"] Interpretation: This is a comical commentary on the untrustworthiness of politicians: like dirty diapers, they need to be replaced frequently because they are full of feces -- or whatever other synonym for "feces" you might prefer. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14328" count="77"] Interpretation: Your brain stops working (seizes up in fright) when you have to speak in public. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14330" count="78"] Interpretation: This droll saying means that people who hoard their money (misers) aren't fun to live with because they don't share their wealth with you. But if your miser relative dies, you benefit by inheriting the money they hoarded throughout their life. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5031" count="79"] Interpretation: Here's one of those jokes where the author takes a generally true statement -- that it is very difficult to go to the store for a loaf of bread and not buy anything else -- and exaggerates it for comic effect (by saying that these odds of returning home with only the loaf of bread are "three billion to one"). [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5058" count="80"] Interpretation: If you put too much emphasis on luck and superstition, that is, if you spend your time looking for lucky charms like four-leaf clovers, you'll end up missing out on legitimate opportunities to get ahead in life. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4968" count="81"] Interpretation: Bacon jokes are pretty popular these days: people know it's not "healthy," but bacon-lovers just can't seem to resist it and have, to some extent, just started to embrace their love of it. Like this funny quote tells us, it is certainly true that people would eat more life-extending foods, like green vegetables, if they tasted as delicious as bacon. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4949" count="82"] Interpretation: This quote gets the laugh when we realize that "seeing" is being used in two very different ways. Rodney Dangerfield admits to his wife he has been "seeing" a psychiatrist, as in, he has been talking to a psychiatrist about his personal problems. His wife takes this admission a different way, and starts listing the professions of the different people she is "seeing" -- which, in her case, means the people she is cheating on her husband with. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="47121" count="83"] Interpretation: As with many of the other funny quotes on this list, the joke hits us when it becomes apparent that the first statement, "I like work," is not meant in the way it is commonly used, which is "I enjoy work." Instead, Jerome means that he enjoys looking at work (without actually doing any work). [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5131" count="84"] Interpretation: Rather than saying it's annoying when people interrupt you, Twain says it is annoying when other people continue to talk while you're interrupting them. What's funny is that the interrupter is the one who's actually being annoying but is too self-involved to realize it. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4844" count="85"] Interpretation: Again, the discrepancy between the first and second statements of this quote is what makes it funny. First, Parker says that you can keep children at home by simply making the home "a pleasant atmosphere"; then she says that you also have to let the air out of their tires -- in other words, you must physically prevent them from leaving, as if they were prisoners! The fact that the shocking part of the quote, "... and let the air out of the tires," is added as if it were an incidental afterthought makes it even funnier. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5135" count="86"] Interpretation: Anyone who grew up in large family might laugh at the relatability of this quote. It means that growing up with many siblings requires you to do a lot of waiting around to use the bathroom, causing you to shuffle around your feet to distract yourself from the discomfort of having to hold your pee. Hope jokes that spending a lot of time doing the  "pee pee dance," as some call it, is how he learned to dance. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14332" count="87"] This quote is funny in that it shows (and probably exaggerates) the enormity of Muhammad Ali's ego -- he won't even allow you to dream about beating him. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5055" count="88"] Interpretation: While most heavy people might want to let "the thin person inside of them" show his face, Thaves jokes that he can keep his thin inner self from emerging by eating more food. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5134" count="89"] Interpretation: The rhyme adds to the humor of this funny quote, which bluntly advises the reader to "shut up" when you're right (and admit it when you're wrong) in order to keep your marriage happy and full of love. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4951" count="90"] Interpretation: It is common knowledge that tabloid magazines are full of lies, although people continue to read them anyway. Seinfeld is joking that people who are stupid enough to believe all the gossip and outlandis stories they read in the tabloids (or who are shallow enough to waste their time reading about the personal lives of celebrities and alien babies) are simply getting what they have coming to them, which is dishonesty. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="19240" count="91"] Interpretation: "Keep the dream alive" is often used as a motivational saying, but not here! In the context of this anti-motivational quote, it means to sleep in (so you can literally continue dreaming). [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14341" count="92"] Interpretation: The anonymous author is joking that he was such an ugly child that the cat mistook him for a piece of feces. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14343" count="93"] Interpretation: Like many jokes about politicians, this one made by the 33rd President of the United States makes fun of how they can't be trusted: in Washington D.C., America's capital and premier political city, the only way to have a trustworthy companion is to get a dog (since the politicians who live there are not friendship material). [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14345" count="94"] Interpretation: People are so often married to their exact opposite: introverts who hate parties often marry extroverts who love them. Being married to your social opposite presents difficulties when you go to a party as a couple -- though this can make for a rather amusing display to an outside observer, like Ann Landers. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="5132" count="95"] Interpretation: One would normally think that having "bad luck" with wives would mean that the person's previous marriages ended for some reason. However, in this quote, we learn that in the case of Murray's second wife, "bad luck" means he's still married. Which is to say, he doesn't like his current/second wife very much. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14349" count="96"] Interpretation: Many people dislike exercise, and many others exercise early in the morning. This anonymous author jokes that the reason s/he exercises early in the morning is because this is the only time of day their brain will allow them to exercise -- because it's still half-asleep. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4958" count="97"] Interpretation: Men love new cars, or so the stereotype goes. So, jokes Rita Rudner, you might be able to attract a man by wearing a perfume that smells like the inside of a new car. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="14351" count="98"] Interpretation: This science joke compares the universe to human stupidity: there is no end to either of them. He goes on to say that he is not even certain that the universe infinite, implying, humorously, that the infinitude of human stupidity is an unchallengeable fact. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4929" count="99"] Interpretation: Gyms are full of exercise machines ... but for someone who hates to exercise, their favorite machine in the building is the food-and-drink dispensing vending machine. [/include-posts] [include-posts id="4959" count="100"] Interpretation: Jokes don't always need to make sense in order to be funny. In fact, some jokes, like this one, are funny precisely because they make no logical sense. If you always arrive late to work, you can make up these lost hours (and maybe save your job) by leaving late. However, Lamb unexpectedly says he makes up for it by leaving early, which elicits a laugh because it's the opposite of what he should do, and because it implies he wants to spend as little time at work as possible -- and don't we all wish we could come in to work late and leave early? [/include-posts]
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