I swear . . . if you existed I'd divorce you.

The line is a barbed paradox: it imagines a marriage so poisoned by absence, fantasy, or projection that the speaker can only express separation through a conditional—divorce would be possible only if the partner were real. It captures a distinctly Albee-like blend of domestic comedy and cruelty, where intimate relationships become arenas for power, resentment, and self-deception. The ellipsis after “I swear” suggests a pause of disbelief or exhaustion before the final blow lands, emphasizing how anger can attach itself to an idea of someone as much as to an actual person. The remark also implies that the speaker’s grievance is with an invented figure—perhaps a rival, an ideal, or a scapegoat—rather than a tangible spouse.