I haven't had a drink in thirteen years, but occasionally I'm tempted to have one beer. The problem is that if I have that one beer, I wake up in Tijuana four days later with a tattoo and a sore ass.

Craig Ferguson, a Scottish-American comedian and former host of CBS’s The Late Late Show, has spoken publicly for years about his past alcoholism and his decision to become sober in the early 1990s. The line is a stand-up style sobriety joke that draws on the recovery-community idea that “one drink is too many,” exaggerating the consequences into a comic blackout narrative (waking up days later in a different country). It is typically quoted as part of Ferguson’s broader, candid discussions about addiction, relapse risk, and why abstinence—not moderation—works for him.

The humor hinges on hyperbole: a single beer supposedly triggers a catastrophic, disorienting binge ending in humiliation and physical pain. Beneath the shock-comedy surface, the quote conveys a serious recovery insight—some people cannot safely “just have one,” because the first drink reactivates compulsive behavior and impaired judgment. By framing relapse as both absurd and frightening, Ferguson makes the stakes legible to a general audience while also normalizing sobriety as a rational, self-protective choice rather than a moral failing.