It's incredibly dangerous to leave an abuser, because the final step in the domestic violence pattern is: kill her.

Leslie Morgan Steiner, a writer and domestic-violence survivor, made this remark while publicly describing the dynamics of intimate partner abuse and why leaving is often the most perilous moment for victims. The line is associated with her widely viewed TED talk, in which she recounts her own relationship and challenges common misconceptions—especially the idea that victims can “just leave.” In that setting, Steiner emphasizes that escalating control and violence can culminate in lethal outcomes, and that separation can trigger an abuser’s most dangerous retaliation. The statement functions as a warning about risk during attempted exit and as an argument for informed, safety-focused support rather than blame.

The quote underscores a grim but well-documented reality: the period when a victim tries to leave an abusive partner can sharply increase the risk of severe assault or homicide. By calling it “the final step,” Steiner highlights how abuse often follows an escalating pattern—moving from coercion and intimidation to physical violence and, in some cases, lethal control. The blunt phrasing is meant to disrupt simplistic narratives that frame staying as irrational or voluntary. It reframes “leaving” as a complex, high-stakes process requiring planning, resources, and community/legal protection, and it insists that responsibility lies with the abuser and the systems that fail to keep victims safe.