Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

Doug Larson (1926–2017) was an American columnist and humor writer best known for short, aphoristic one-liners about everyday life, health, and human nature. This quip belongs to his familiar vein of domestic, observational humor that contrasts what people know they “should” do (eat vegetables for health and longevity) with what they are naturally tempted to do (prefer rich, savory foods like bacon). The line circulated widely in quotation collections and newspaper “filler” items that reprinted Larson’s witticisms, reflecting late-20th-century popular health messaging about diet and longevity as well as the enduring cultural status of bacon as an emblem of indulgent taste.

The joke hinges on a simple counterfactual: if the sensory appeal of healthy foods matched that of indulgent ones, people would choose the healthier option more often, and public health would improve dramatically. Beneath the humor is a pointed observation about human behavior—knowledge alone rarely changes habits; appetite, smell, and pleasure strongly govern choices. By framing the issue as a matter of aroma rather than willpower, Larson satirizes moralizing approaches to diet and suggests that “temptation” is built into our environment and biology. The line also works as a compact critique of how modern food culture rewards immediate gratification over long-term wellbeing.