We're lonely, but we're afraid of intimacy. And so from social networks to sociable robots, we're designing technologies that will give us the illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship.

Sherry Turkle, an MIT professor and longtime researcher of how people relate to computers, developed this idea while studying social media, mobile connectivity, and emerging “relational artifacts” such as companion robots. The line is closely associated with her early-2010s public talks and writing that culminated in her critique of “alone together”: people surrounded by digital contact yet increasingly uncomfortable with the vulnerability and time required by deep relationships. In this period, Turkle argued that platforms and devices were being shaped to meet emotional needs—attention, reassurance, a sense of presence—while allowing users to avoid the messiness of real reciprocity and commitment.

Turkle contrasts two conditions: loneliness and fear of intimacy. Her claim is not merely that technology isolates us, but that we actively prefer tools that let us manage connection on our own terms. “Illusion of companionship” points to interactions that feel social—likes, messages, always-on presence, even responsive machines—yet do not require the obligations of friendship: patience, accountability, and mutual care. The quote warns that when convenience and control become design goals, we may trade depth for frictionless contact. It also implies a feedback loop: the more we practice curated, low-risk connection, the less practiced we become at tolerating the vulnerability that genuine intimacy demands.