They do a lot of animal testing in the cosmetics industry. Maybe they should brag about it in their commercials: "Aquanet hair spray, if it can blind a Spider Monkey, it can make your hair look luscious." Or "Gillette, because four thousand bald squirrels can't be wrong."

The line is a piece of dark, satirical comedy aimed at the cosmetics industry’s reliance on animal testing. By inventing grotesquely cheerful ad slogans—“if it can blind a Spider Monkey…” and “four thousand bald squirrels…”—the speaker exposes a moral dissonance: marketing language that sells beauty and comfort is built on hidden suffering. The joke works by forcing the euphemisms of advertising into direct contact with the physical consequences of testing, making what is usually invisible suddenly vivid and absurd. The exaggeration (specific brands, specific animals, inflated numbers) underscores how normalized cruelty can become when it is kept offstage and reframed as “necessary” for consumer products.