There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

When I was a little boy, I wanted a dog desperately, and we had no money. My parents got me an ant. I called it "Spot." Coming home late one night, Sheldon Finklestein tried to bully me. Spot was with me; I said "Kill!" and Sheldon stepped on my dog.

Live so that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.

I gave my cat a bath the other day; they love it. He enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that . . .