When I started writing full time I had not long stopped being a teacher and when at last I had a full day to write, I would put music on and wonder to myself - am I allowed to do this? Then I thought: ’I am control of this and no one is telling me what I can do.’

Doyle recalls the psychological shift from salaried, timetable-driven work to the self-directed solitude of a writer. The seemingly simple act of putting on music becomes a symbol of freedom and also of uncertainty: he has internalized the rules and permissions of institutional life, so that leisure, experimentation, or even choosing his own working atmosphere feels illicit. The turning point comes when he recognizes authorship as a form of agency—no supervisor, no bell, no externally imposed curriculum. The quote captures how creative independence is not only practical (time to write) but also mental: it requires unlearning deference and accepting responsibility for one’s own choices and discipline.