The basic beer ad: big-breasted babes in bikinis. Beer won't get you babes. But if you drink enough, you think they're babes, and if you drink more, you can grow your own breasts.

George Washington is the only president who never blamed the previous administration for his troubles.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.