Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

A deliberately circular “statistic” turns a commonplace observation—people with more birthdays are older—into a comic endorsement of aging. The joke hinges on treating correlation as if it were causation: having birthdays doesn’t make you live longer; living longer gives you more birthdays. By framing the truism as data-driven advice (“Statistics show…”), the line also satirizes the way numbers and pseudo-scientific language can be used to lend authority to empty conclusions. In a quotations setting, it functions as light, self-deprecating humor that reframes birthdays not as a reminder of mortality but as evidence of survival.