If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

The line twists the familiar proverb “If you can’t beat them, join them” into a darker, more cynical maxim: when direct competition fails, use influence, intermediaries, or systems of power to ensure your rivals are defeated anyway. Read as satire, it targets the logic of political operators, corporate competitors, and anyone who treats outcomes as something to be engineered rather than earned. The humor comes from the blunt admission of manipulation—saying the quiet part out loud—while also critiquing a culture that rewards winning by any means, including outsourcing aggression or leveraging institutions to do one’s fighting.