The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.

The line contrasts “personality” (the charming, performative surface that attracts us during courtship) with “character” (the deeper, steadier moral and behavioral makeup revealed over time). De Vries suggests that love often begins as a response to style—humor, charisma, social ease—but marriage requires daily coexistence with habits, values, and temperaments that may not be as alluring. The wit lies in the shift from the romantic language of “falling in love” to the practical language of “must live with,” implying that commitment tests whether attraction can mature into respect and endurance. It’s a compact critique of idealization and a reminder that long-term intimacy is shaped more by character than by charm.

1) “The trouble with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.”
2) “The difficulty with marriage is that you fall in love with a personality, but you have to live with a character.”