If a dog doesn’t put you first where are you both? In what relation? A dog needs God. It lives by your glances, your wishes. It even shares your humor. This happens about the fifth year. If it doesn’t happen you are only keeping an animal.

George Washington is the only president who never blamed the previous administration for his troubles.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.