When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

The line is a barbed inversion of the sentimental saying that a dog is “man’s best friend.” Instead of praising canine loyalty, it suggests that when a person’s closest bond is with a pet, the imbalance reflects poorly on the human—and burdens the animal with an unnatural role. Read as satire, it critiques social isolation, misanthropy, or emotional immaturity: the dog becomes a substitute for reciprocal human relationships, yet cannot truly consent to being someone’s primary confidant. In Abbey’s typical contrarian mode, the joke also punctures clichés and moralizes against self-pity, implying that companionship should be mutual and chosen, not merely convenient.