All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Woollcott’s quip turns a familiar moral lesson into a comic confession: the strongest human appetites—sexual, culinary, and transgressive—often seem to sit on the wrong side of social rules. By bundling “immoral,” “illegal,” and “fattening” into a single list, the line satirizes both puritanical standards and the speaker’s own weakness, implying that pleasure is perpetually policed by ethics, law, or health. The joke also works as self-deprecation: the speaker claims refined self-knowledge while admitting a lack of self-control. Its staying power comes from how neatly it captures modern anxieties about desire, guilt, and restraint in one epigram.