I want a priest, a rabbi, and a Protestant clergyman. I want to hedge my bets.

Mizner’s line is a characteristically cynical joke about religion treated as insurance rather than conviction. By summoning representatives of multiple faith traditions at once, the speaker implies uncertainty about which (if any) is “right,” and tries to maximize the chance of spiritual safety by covering all options—like diversifying a portfolio. The humor depends on the collision between sacred rites (typically grounded in sincere belief) and the worldly logic of gambling and risk management (“hedge my bets”). It also fits Mizner’s broader persona in American anecdotal culture: the wisecracking, morally unbuttoned observer who punctures piety with a one-liner.