Can I just say here how much I hate the word ’pamper’? While pretending to celebrate and indulge women, it actually implies that their bodies are so revolting that even their ’me time’ must be dedicated to turning them into living dolls if potential suitors are to be prevented from running screaming in horror.

Burchill is attacking the seemingly benign language of consumer “self-care” aimed at women. By singling out “pamper,” she argues that the term’s flattering surface masks a harsher assumption: that women’s bodies are inherently deficient and must be cosmetically “fixed” even during leisure. The irony is that what is marketed as indulgence becomes another form of obligation—time and money spent meeting a beauty standard framed as necessary to remain socially and sexually acceptable. The hyperbolic image of suitors “running screaming” underscores how fear and shame are used to police appearance, turning relaxation into conformity.