They design the car alarm so it will behave as if it was a nervous hysterical person. Anyone goes near it, disturbs it, "Aaaaaahhhhhhh!" Lights flashing on and off, acting all crazy. Wouldn't it be nice to have a car alarm that was a little more subtle? Somebody tries to break in, it goes, "Ahem. Ahem. Excuse me?"

In this stand-up bit, Seinfeld satirizes how modern technology often communicates in exaggerated, socially abrasive ways. By personifying a car alarm as a “nervous hysterical person,” he highlights the mismatch between the alarm’s purpose (quietly protecting property) and its real-world effect (startling and annoying everyone nearby, most of whom are innocent bystanders). The imagined “polite” alarm—clearing its throat and saying “Excuse me?”—pushes the absurdity to reveal a broader comic point: we accept intrusive, overreactive systems as normal, even when a more measured, human-scaled response would make more sense. The humor comes from treating a mechanical device as if it should follow social etiquette.