Is devotion to others a cover for the hungers and the needs of the self, of which one is ashamed? I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not virtue. It was a disguise.

Nin frames “devotion” as potentially ambivalent: what looks like selfless care can also be a strategy for managing shame. The speaker admits an inability to receive—“ashamed to take”—and converts that discomfort into compulsive giving. In this reading, generosity becomes a socially admired mask that hides unmet needs and fear of dependence or vulnerability. The final reversal—“It was not virtue. It was a disguise.”—pushes the quote beyond moralizing into psychological self-scrutiny: motives matter, and altruism can function as self-protection. The passage resonates with Nin’s broader interest in confession, desire, and the ways identity is performed to avoid confronting inner hunger.