A little girl who finds a puzzle frustrating might ask her busy mother (or teacher) for help. The child gets one message if her mother expresses clear pleasure at the request and quite another if mommy responds with a curt ’Don’t bother me - I’ve got important work to do.’

Goleman’s example illustrates how children learn emotional lessons not only from what adults do, but from the feeling-tone with which they do it. A parent’s response to a request for help becomes a signal about the child’s worth, the acceptability of needing support, and whether effort and curiosity are welcomed or inconvenient. Warm, engaged help communicates that frustration is manageable and that seeking assistance is safe; a dismissive rebuff can teach shame, self-doubt, or avoidance when challenges arise. The scenario encapsulates a core theme in emotional intelligence: everyday interactions—especially around stress and attention—quietly shape a child’s emotional regulation and resilience.