Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.

Hubbard’s quip plays on the mismatch between adult practicality and a child’s sense of wonder. Calling it “mean” to give something “useful” for Christmas satirizes the way grown-ups can turn a holiday of delight into a lesson in thrift, self-improvement, or household necessity. The humor depends on an implied moral: gifts for children should privilege play, imagination, and pleasure rather than utility. At the same time, the line gently critiques adult self-justification—useful presents often serve the giver’s values (discipline, economy, good taste) more than the child’s happiness. The joke endures because it captures a familiar seasonal tension between sentiment and practicality.