I want to swim in both directions at once. Desire success, court failure.

The line captures a deliberately paradoxical ambition: to pursue achievement while also embracing the possibility—and even the usefulness—of failure. “Swim in both directions” suggests living with competing impulses at once: craving recognition and mastery, yet resisting the complacency or fear that can come with a single-minded fixation on success. “Court failure” frames failure not as an accident but as a chosen risk, implying that meaningful artistic or personal growth requires experimentation, vulnerability, and the willingness to be judged. In this reading, the quote advocates a creative ethic: aim high, but keep stepping into uncertainty where failure is possible, because that is where discovery happens.