You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

The line is a deadpan inversion of the usual test for drunkenness: instead of needing to hold on to stand up, the speaker jokes that even lying down can require “holding on” when the room spins. It trades on Dean Martin’s long-cultivated public persona—“King of Cool,” nightclub headliner, and the famously tipsy-onstage character he played in mid‑century American entertainment. Whether or not Martin originated it, the quip functions as a one-liner about self-deception and social bravado: the drinker redefines the standard so they can deny impairment. Its humor comes from understatement, exaggeration, and the casual normalization of excess.

1) "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
2) "You're not drunk as long as you can lie on the floor without holding on."
3) "You ain't drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."