If you’re truly in a band and you guys have been together for a long time, there’s a family bond that you have. In fact, I’ve talked about this with therapists, especially if you’re talking about a relationship, because when you’re with somebody, you’re going to your family, and she’s alone.

Allan likens a long-running touring band to a surrogate family: shared history, inside language, and mutual dependence create a bond that can rival kinship. The quote also points to the emotional cost this “band family” can impose on romantic partners. When a musician returns to the road or to bandmates who function as a primary support system, a partner may be left isolated—without access to that same communal network. By mentioning therapists, Allan frames the issue as a recurring relational dynamic rather than mere lifestyle inconvenience: intimacy competes with the gravitational pull of the group, and sustaining a partnership requires acknowledging and compensating for that imbalance.