Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Roger de Rabutin, comte de Bussy (1618–1693), known as Bussy-Rabutin, was a French courtier, soldier, and memoirist whose sharp wit and scandalous writings led to repeated disgrace at Louis XIV’s court. Much of his literary reputation rests on his letters and maxims about love, reputation, and courtly behavior—genres in which epigrammatic comparisons were prized. The sentiment about absence testing love fits the culture of 17th‑century French salon conversation and correspondence, where separation (through exile, travel, or court politics) was a common condition and a frequent theme in love discourse. The line is widely transmitted as a standalone maxim attributed to him.

The aphorism treats absence as a stress test for affection. Like wind on a flame, distance can snuff out a weak attachment—one sustained mainly by proximity, habit, or convenience. But for a “great” love, separation acts as oxygen: it intensifies longing, imagination, and commitment, making the feeling burn brighter. The image also implies that love has an inner quality independent of circumstance; absence does not create love so much as reveal its true scale. As a courtly maxim, it is both psychological observation and social counsel: if separation destroys the bond, it was never substantial; if it strengthens it, the passion is genuine and resilient.

1) “Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it kindles the great.”
2) “Absence is to love what the wind is to fire: it puts out the little, it fans the great.”
3) “Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it blows out the candle and kindles the bonfire.”