Pessimism is as American as apple pie — frozen apple pie with a slice of processed cheese.

Will’s line is a satirical twist on the cliché “as American as apple pie.” By pairing “pessimism” with an iconic symbol of national comfort, he suggests that gloomy forecasts and cultural sourness are not aberrations but a recurring American habit—especially in politics and public commentary. The added detail—“frozen apple pie with a slice of processed cheese”—sharpens the joke: it evokes something mass-produced, oddly adulterated, and more convenience-food than wholesome tradition. The implication is that modern American pessimism can be reflexive and manufactured, a familiar taste that people keep consuming even when it’s not especially nourishing.