The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

Wilson Mizner (1876–1933) was a celebrated American wit, playwright, and raconteur associated with Broadway and the Jazz Age social scene. His aphorisms circulated widely in newspapers, magazines, and later quotation anthologies, often detached from a single fixed occasion because they were repeated as part of his public persona. This line reflects Mizner’s characteristic play on social conventions—treating “friends” as if they were possessions one might “give away”—and belongs to the milieu of early-20th-century American humor that skewered status, loyalty, and transactional relationships.

The quip hinges on a comic literalization: if you want to “keep” friends, don’t “give them away.” Beneath the wordplay is a pointed comment about loyalty and social opportunism. Mizner suggests that friendships can be treated as social currency—introduced, traded, or sacrificed for advantage—and he mocks that attitude by framing it as a simple rule of ownership. The joke also implies that genuine friendship requires discretion and commitment: you don’t discard people when circumstances change, nor treat them as interchangeable connections. Its sting comes from exposing how easily “friendship” can become transactional.