Desire creates havoc when it is the only thing between two people, or when it is what's missing.

The line argues that desire is destabilizing at both extremes: when it is the sole bond between two people, it reduces the relationship to appetite and power, crowding out trust, friendship, and shared values; when it is absent, the relationship can become hollow, breeding resentment, insecurity, or emotional distance. McLaughlin’s point is not that desire is bad, but that it must be integrated with other forms of connection. The “havoc” comes from imbalance—either desire as the only bridge, or its disappearance as a missing pillar—suggesting that durable intimacy requires both passion and broader companionship.