Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings.

[I]t is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o’clock.

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him "father."

Farewell, my sister, fare thee well. The elements be kind to thee, and make Thy spirits all of comfort: fare thee well.

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.