You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy.

[I]t is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o’clock.

The things taught in schools and colleges are not an education, but the means of education.

A professor is someone who talks in someone else's sleep.

Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.