The pain of not knowing what to do was exceeded only by that of knowing what I had done.

The line contrasts two kinds of anguish: paralysis in uncertainty (“not knowing what to do”) and the sharper torment of remorse (“knowing what I had done”). It suggests that indecision is painful, but consequences can be worse once an irreversible choice has been made. The phrasing implies a retrospective narrator who has moved from anxious deliberation into regret, highlighting how clarity can arrive too late—after action has fixed the outcome. As a psychological observation, it captures a common moral experience: ignorance and confusion hurt, yet self-knowledge—especially knowledge of one’s own mistake—can cut deeper because it carries responsibility and cannot be escaped by further deliberation.