I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable.

Lindbergh distinguishes between pain as a brute fact of life and pain as a catalyst for growth. Suffering, she argues, is universal and therefore cannot by itself confer wisdom; what matters is the human response to it. The added elements—mourning and understanding (making meaning), patience (enduring time’s slow work), love and openness (staying connected rather than hardened), and a willingness to remain vulnerable (refusing self-protective numbness)—describe an ethic of emotional courage. The quote implies that transformation is not automatic: it is chosen and practiced, and it depends on relational and reflective capacities that can be cultivated even amid loss.